A Story

i wrote a story... i want to know an honest review.....

a tear fell to the floor, it made a silent drip on the hardwood. Jack looked at the locket in his hand remembering the story that happened so long ago...
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"Jack, Jack!" Jacks friend, Nathan called, pulling Jack out of a sort of trance. "who are you looking at?"
"I do not yet know her name..." Jack replied as he walked towards her
"Hello, Sir" she said when he approached
"Hello." he said
"What is your name, Sir?" she asked
"J-J-Jack miss. and yours?" he replied
"Vanessa." she stated
"That's a very lovely locket you have there." he said
"thank you, my papa gave it to me before he died." she replied
"im so sorry."
"its quite alright. I best be off. good-day sir" she said, and walked away
"Vanessa.." he said to himself "I like it" and he went back to his friends
****************
A few months later, Jack and Vanessa had been on thier first date.
"What was he like?" Vanessa's friend Anne asked
"He seemed kind, but shy..." Vanessa Replied
"What do you think he means by it?" Anne asked
"I do not know. yet."
***********
"What was she like?" Nathan asked
"Wonderful, Beautiful, and im going to make her mine!" Jack exclaimed as he walked out the door
"Where are you going?" Nathan asked
"To make Vanessa mine." he replied
***********
"Knock Knock Knock" came the door
"Mariette, will you get that?" Vanessa called
"Yes mamm." Mariette replied
"I must speak to Vanessa!" Jack said all at once
"One moment." she replied "miss. someone to see you"
"ill be right there." came the reply "yes?" when she came he picked up her hand and kissed it lightly "Miss, i couldn't stay away. i must have you, will you come with me. come away with me?" he asked
"I cannot run." she replied "we are in the middle of a war. once it is over i will go."
"You must come with me now." he pleaded "you may not feel this way ever again!"
"I will." she stated and motioned Mariette to escort him out
***********
Years passed, but the war raged on, finally Vanessa agreed to go away with Jack and get married in a town called 'Risen City'. but it was a ten day travel, and some of the city's in between them had been raided and 'Risen City' was the closest one that had not.
***********
Day followed night and night followed day. Each night Vanessa and Jack moved silently through the woods, making sure that they were not seen. guards surrounded each city, killling anyone that came near, 3 days into the travel Vanessa became ill and she needed to see a doctor, the closest doctor was in 'Medes Caslte' a small towne given a big name. but guarded with at least 60 men they only let the villagers in and out, the villagers had and 'M' branded into ther hand so the soldiers could know wether they were villagers or not. Jack thought 4 a bitand he remembered that on the way there thay had seen a stain berry, a berry that once you put it on it says for a few days, at least. Jack went back to the spot with berries and grabbed enough for Vanessa and Him. he went back to Vanessa, crushed the berries and made and 'M' on thier hands.....
***********
"state your name" a guard said sternly
"Sir, i must hurry, my wifes ill, and she must see a doctor!" Jack said, hoping they would not need his name for a list
"Very well. show us the 'M'" the guard said
Jack showed both of the fake 'M's' then he hurried off to the doctor.
"Will she be alright?" Jack asked worriedly
"yes, in 3 days you can go. since she has measles she will be better in 3 days" the doctor said
3 mornings later Jack woke Vanessa up and they left 'Meades Castle' in much haste
*****************
On the 7th day of the trip guards saw Jack and Vanessa, the two rushed into the forest, hoping they were not found. The guards went back to thier positions. Vanessa and Jack worked thier way slowly to the edge of the forest, there was a meadow between them and the next forest patch. guards were everywhere they had to make a run for it. they both ran, bullets shot from everywhere! They were almost to the edge of the field when Vanessa's leg was shot, she dropped to the gound
"Leave me!" she cried in agony
"No! Never will i leave you!" Jack said, and he carried her to the patch of forest. That night he cleaned her wound. she had a bad limp, they would go much slower.
"i must carry you." Jack debated
"No, i will walk." Vanessa argued back
"we will get caught if i dont." he argued back. she said nothing since she knew he was right. she gave a simple nod and went to sleep
***************
"Wake up Vanessa" Jack said "Were almost there."
"Where?" said the girl in his arms
"Risen City"
she looked at it in awe. it was a towering city with lots of buildings. when they got the the gate, guards from Jack and Vanessa's side of the war took thier names on a list of all who were currently in 'Risen City'. the city, was even bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside! the stood in scilence, breathing in all they were surrounded with. it was all very over whelming. the streets were all clean there were no beggars, no filth, all beautiful. one kind woman came and put a beautiful light pink flower in her hair.
"Tomorrow..." Vanessa sighed
"yes, i cannot wait until we are wed
**********
It was eleven o'clock in the morning. Vanessa already had her pink dress on and a freck flower in her hair. he wounds were neatly bandaged. Jacks hair was combed and he had black pants on and a hand made shirt. thirty-eight minutes until the wedding when the screaming began.... men from the other side of the war came streaming into the city.
"Run!" jack said to Vanessa
'No! if we die, we die together!" she replied
the both ran into the forest. but the men found them they dragged them both to a river and put Vanessa into a boat. she pulled off her locket, it was in her hand. the boat started to leave, Jack on shore. the both grabbed hands but the slipped apart, the locket now in Jacks hands.
"I love you Jack." Vanesas said in a crying wisper then Vanessa slipped into the mist, to be killed. the men let him go, he sank to his knees, sobbing. Never to see his love again
*****************
Jack stood, looking at the locket, another tear hit the wood. He left the room, he would always remember his love, Vanessa.

THE END
By: Annessa Diane Elizabeth Argabright
Copyright 2009